|Posted by Star on July 25, 2013 at 4:40 PM|
What I hear constantly and hate the most is about how "You (meaning me) do this and that just fine! you go here and there and don't have a panic attack, you do this and that yet claim to be disabled! You don't have this "disability" at dog shows, convenient huh, you're lying you walk and run around the ring just fine, bla bla bla etc."
But what they fail to realize is yes, I do go to the mall. I do push myself to be more active or social despite my problems with it, I DO struggle with any indoor crowded space. Some places are worse than others, some days I'm feeling well and others I'm definitely not doing well.
That chronic pain comes in waves. There are days where I feel fine, and others I can't even get out of bed because of the pain. I'm heavily medicated and well rested when I know I have to exert myself. This disease (Ankylosing Sponditis) is progressing and it's standing for any extended period of time that gives me the most trouble. One day I will not be able to do any of these things.
What they don't realize is outdoor events like street fairs or dog shows are easier on my Agoraphobia, I can at any time escape to a quite open area. Indoor concerts or super crowded conventions I simply have never been able to do/do without my service dog.
What they fail to realize is i also suffer from PTSD and strange men are huge triggers to me. If I may "appear alright" by being able to go to a public place, I still don't -feel- safe. It's these intense phobias that would prevent me from leaving my house or going into many public places before my service dog.
What they refuse to understand is depression comes in waves. I may seem strong when people say these things but everything hurts It builds up inside and I start to believe their doubts.
What they don't realize is I would NEVER wish this on my worst enemy. I say this every day that I'm just trying to survive. I just want to make it through TODAY. I just want to be invisible and keep my head down. I didn't ask for you to judge me, to make nasty comments to be or my use of a service dog.